Father's Day

Today was Father's Day... Also known as the day I am reminded about my own father, my step-father, and my children's fathers. I still call my dad "Daddy." That's what he is, and always has been. At least until 2 years ago. That's where my step-dad comes in. You see, he and I did not get along very well after I had my daughter. I did not like the way he treated me or my mother and I am not one to stay quiet about my opinions. 2 years ago, my step-dad committed suicide. My mom went a bit crazy, with good reason of course, but that led to us having a huge falling out and her telling my step-mom a bunch of my personal business, which then got twisted into lies by the time it reached my dad. As a result, my dad stopped talking to me and my step-mom, who had her own agenda, told his whole family the same lies; Thus I have been disowned from the family. Me having a second child out of wedlock made my family even more ashamed of me. So my dad and I are estranged now, and it hurts my heart so badly, yet I have too much anger and pride to be the one to forgive and forget. My mother and I are best friends again yet the damage has been done. Then I think about Alysa's father. He is 28 years old and living with a 43 year old woman. Long story behind that one. He doesn't have a paternal bone in his body. He was not a part of my daughter's life for 5 years, and now that he is, he let's his girlfrind (who's old enough to be her grandmother) take care of her. It makes me sad to think that my daughter has a half ass dad. My son's father on the other hand is a man who could be a wonderfull father, but just isn't. My daughter called him "daddy" for years untill her real dad came into the picture. He is great with kids and has a huge heart with lots of love to give. I loved him very much and wanted desperatey for things to work out between us. Unfortunately, my son is his 5th kid. He has no contact with his other kids, nor does he pay child support. He's almost 30 years old, still waits tables for a living, and won't keep a steady job. He is chronicly irresponsible, undependable, and in my opinion, mentally unstable. Because of these things, I was forced to make the decision to cut off all contact with him. For months I did everything I could to keep him a part of his son's life, even if we couldn't work things out between us after 4 years. Every time I let him in my life, for our son's sake, my job, my bank account, and my life were negativley affected. All he had to do was get a job, make an effort and be responsible and he couln't do that. He didn't even call to see how his son was doing on Father's Day. I wouldn't have answered, but some sort of evidence that he cares would have been nice. Right now as I'm typing this, he is on myspace and yahoo messenger, and has the ability to communicate with me, but doesn't. I want my two beautiful children to have someone to call "Daddy". I feel like I have failed them.

This is not what I signed up for.

It's the end of day 2 here in Wimberley. Dealing with 6 kids who are not my own, plus my 3 month old baby has not been as bad as I thought it would be, however, it has had it's ups and downs. First of all, when I arrived my mother informed me of a "small leak" coming from the floor next to the shower in the master bedroom. This small leak is a non-stop steady flow of water that requires constant towel maintenance! Place dry towels down, remove soaked towels, wring wet towels out into the bathtub, place heavy wet towels into washer machine and turn to spin cycle to get the water out, place towels in dryer, remove dry towels from dryer and repeat about 6 times a day!
Second, upon arrival, I was also informed that all 6 kids had lice. For those who have never lived in Wimberley, let me tell you that Wimberley is the breeding ground for lice. I don't know why, but for some reason, these disgusting things run rampant in this town and they are the hardest things to get rid of. I had to deal with them when I lived here and my daughter came home from day care infested with lice. Once you treat your kid, you have to spend about 2-4 hours a day combing out their hair. Then you have to wash EVERYTHING in your house. Clothes, bedding, you name it, and then treat your kid's hair again 5-7 days later. That being said, add 6 kids to the mix. It is a daunting task to get rid of lice in a household of 6 kids. It takes my mom a good 10 hours to do it. Because of this, my mom would treat the kids 1 day, but would never keep up with it, thus not actually getting rid of the lice. It also doesn't help when 4 of the kids go to their mother's house and she sends them over to their friend's houses who also have lice. It's a vicious cycle. Now, since I am here, and I do not care to end up with bugs crawling all over my head, I took it upon myself to treat all of the kids my first night here. This included washing their hair, combing it out, and washing all of their bedding. I also sprayed all of the couches and pillows with the special lice killing spray. In addition to this, I have comb through all of the kids hair every day in order to get out all of the lice eggs. This is not what I signed up for when I agreed to babysit!
I keep telling myself that all of this will be worth it, because not only did I get paid in advance, but my mother also told me ther her boyfriend's mechanic would fix my car for no cost to me. I've been needing a brake job totaling $450 for months now but have not been able to afford it. So the mechanic gets my car, takes it to his shop, then a little while later, brings it right back with nothing done to it. My car has rims with wheel lock on them and apparently the last time I took my car in to get fixed, the people did not replace the key to my wheel locks. I get all the way out here, and because I do not have the key, the mechanic can't even get the tires off my car in order to fix my brakes! He supposedly ordered a new key somehow and will still be able to fix my car, but for now it's a waiting game.
The good news about the last few days is that I have been "working out" with the Wii Fit! Afterwords I've been stuffing myself with cookies, heath bars and brownies, but I figure I deserve it :)

Getting ready for the trip to Wimberley.

Today I went shopping to buy a new shirt for work and ended up buying Carter 5 Kenneth Cole outfits. It's always more fun for me to shop for my kids than myself. I'm still trying to loose my baby weight, so shopping for me is just depressing. I did buy myself a new shirt, and I actually like it, so there's a plus... Work went well. I made enough money to cover what I spent today so that makes me happy. Now I'm home sweet home and about to start cleaning my house and packing for my week long trip to Wimberley. My mother has 2 kids (my brother and sister) and her boyfriend has 4 kids. They are going to Vegas for a week and I am going to be babysitting all 6 kids (ages 4-10) along with my 3 month old son. My daughter is staying with her dad since it is Father's Day weekend. I'm hoping all goes well. I plan on taking full advantage of my mom's eliptical machine and Wii Fit while I'm there. Right now, however, it's time to put the 90's music channel on the TV and clean up and pack. No doubt I will forget something, but I'll have to deal with that tomorrow.

Sweet release leads to sanity

I haven't kept a journal in quite a while, so I am now starting this blog. My sister used to blog all the time, and I have found that releasing anything from joy to anger in some way, shape or form, whether it be here or in a journal, leads to sanity! So the way I see it, this couldn't hurt. To those who may read my blog, I hope you enjoy the snapshots of the days in the life of me :)